four-seasons-sunflower: vulpvibe: i downloaded a mod in skyrim that changes all the spiders to bears so the bears will liTERALLY DESCEND FROM THE CEILING OF CAVES THRE BEARS AR E IN
me: mom i got all A's
me: mom i cleaned the whole house
me: mom i don't do drugs and i'm not pregnant
mom: is this your cup on the table?
mom: you never do anything right i do everything for you all day long and you do nothing for me but stress me out you are so out of control you are grounded if you think you had no life before you just wait i cant believe you treat your own mother this way get out of my sight
When i turn 18
normal people: voting, gambling, cigarettes, ADULT...
me: cool i can order stuff on TV now
Plan for today.
Going to sleep and let my body recover from this 3 day shooting marathon. I should be stronger and better next week. :)
At the Archery shooting range.
Talking to a guy like twice my size.
Guy: Yeah, I shoot pretty heavy, it's at 65 lbs. How much you shoot?
Me: 70... ;D
Guy: ...................... WHY?!!
Me: *in my head* LEAVE NO SURVIVORS.
Me: Oh, no reason. :D
teapayne: THE SNAIL OMG
Applicants are required to answer at least 4 secret questions in order to proceed. These questions are presented at random to the applicant if the applicant needs to perform a password change.
Question: What was your best friend's name in high school?
Me: WHO DO I CHOOSE?!
vzap asked: 3, 6, 13, 36, 55, 68
yeawecanlivelikethis asked: 3, 7, 41, 44!
I don’t claim to be funny but that’s what people say I am. I am funny. But that’s not the point. I have met a lot of other really funny people and I’ve gotten to know them. I think they’re comical geniuses. All of them share something in common. The people who joke the most and laugh the most; the funny people. They are the most depressed motherfuckers out there....
Anons have fun!
1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?
2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?
3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?
4: Do you find it easy to trust others?
5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?
6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?
7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?
8: Are you close with your dad?
9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?
10: What are you listening to?
11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?
12. Do you like hickeys?
13: What time do you go to bed?
14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?
15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?
16: Do you always answer your texts?
17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?
18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?
19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?
20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?
21: Is anyone else in the room with you?
22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?
23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?
24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?
25: In the past week, have you cried?
26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?
27: Do people ever call you by your last name?
28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?
29: Do you have a best friend?
30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?
31: Who was your last call from?
32: Are you mad at anyone?
33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?
35: How many more days until your birthday?
36: Do you have any summer plans yet?
37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?
38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?
39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?
40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?
41: Do you think age matters in relationships?
42: Are you available?
43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?
44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?
45: Do you believe exes can be friends?
46: Do you regret anything?
47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?
48: Did you ever lose a best friend?
49: Was your last kiss a mistake?
50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?
51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?
52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?
53: What was the last thing you ate?
54: Did you get any compliments today?
55: Where are you going on your next vacation?
56: Do you own anything from other countries?
57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?
58: Where have you lived most of your life?
59: When was the last time you took a long drive?
60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?
61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?
62: Who do you text the most?
63: What was the last movie you saw?
64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?
65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2010?
66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?
67: Do you curse around your parents?
68: Are you happy with where you live%
You know those photos that you see on tumblr of...
Parents: Who are you texting?
Parents: Who are you calling?
Parents: Who are you chatting with?
Me: Jake from State Farm
It scares me that I feel happy alone.
Son: *brings girl over to the house.
Parents: Hi, you're so pretty. Come eat, come eat. Go in the room later and fuck.
Daughter: *brings guy over to the house.
Parents: Who are you? How are your grades? Where's your birth certificate? Why are you breathing my daughters air?
why wear pants when you can just not wear pants
DID YOU KNOW?
Did you know there’s a film on Netflix about a car tire that comes to life and finds that he has psychic powers and then goes on a killing rampage? It’s 1 hour and 22 minutes long. I watched it all. What does it have to do with anything? NO FUCKING REASON. Go watch it. RUBBER (2010)